Reflections on Susan

"Lucy," said Susan in a very small voice, "I see [Aslan] now....I’m sorry....But I’ve been far worse than you know. I really believed it was him....I mean, deep down inside. Or I could have, if I’d let myself. But I just wanted to get out of the woods and—and—oh, I don’t know. And what ever am I to say to him?”—Prince Caspian, C.S. Lewis

Normally when I read any of the Chronicles of Narnia, I automatically want to be Lucy—the one who discovers the wardrobe, who meets Tumnus, and begins the adventures first. More often than not, though, as I reflect upon the stories I feel I’m much more like Susan.

In Prince Caspian, when the four Pevensie children return to Narnia, Lucy is the first to see Aslan. The others at first don’t believe her, but eventually they choose to follow her, following Him. Edmund sees him next followed by Peter. Lastly, Susan recognizes Aslan pacing ahead of her. She admits that she could have believed, if she would have let herself. She fears what Aslan will say to her.

Often, I believe deep down, but my fears or pride or complacency in everyday life keeps me from truly following. I don’t want to believe/trust, because it would force me to admit I was wrong, or change my direction, or perhaps a little bit of both. I get so caught up in doing my day to day life, I’m not willing to stop and see if Aslan is speaking to me just around the next tree.

I hope I can remember to ignore my fears. I want to always be willing to follow the un-recognized and difficult/strange/crazy path. I don’t want to someday find myself living in denial as Susan ultimately does, remembering my faith and Narnia as “the silly games I used to play.”